Swiss Princess

I was chosen to marry the prince of Switzerland without having ever met him. Dressed in white I was escorted to the castle by different family members of the prince who were all getting to know me by asking me questions and checking me out. It was a long walk from where ever I was starting from.

I was brought into a building and stepped into a closet type thing with one of the prince's scraggly looking uncles. All of a sudden the closet turned into a secret elevator and we went down down down and I was crying because it frightened me.

At the bottom I got out and was led to a table of men, all related to the prince and all different ages, for a game of poker. I had an excellent hand and put them all to shame. It felt really good. After my victory in walks the prince's brother to meet me. He was dashing and I fell in love with him at first sight. He felt the same way about me.

We ended up having a passionate love affair behind the prince's back -- strictly not allowed but we couldn't help ourselves. I was betrothed to the prince but I was madly in love with his brother, who was wild with jealousy.

After one particularly steamy tryst the brother took out a knife and attacked my eyes. In Switzerland, bloody eyeballs mean you are cheating on your husband with another man. I screamed and cried for my love to not gouge my eyeballs as he cut me. He then left in a hurry and I bandaged my eyes with gauze. In the morning my chambermaid came in and I didn't want her to see that my eyeballs were bloody. I hid and ran to the bathroom and undid the gauze to find out that my love hadn't attacked my eyeballs but had left little slits in the corner of my eyes. Was this a warning? In any case I was happy our love affair hadn't been uncovered by his jealous rage.

Ornament Fiasco

It was Christmas morning and my entire family was gathered around the tree opening presents. My Aunt Sally, who had no idea on what to buy anyone this year, asked my mom what to get me, which was a shoe ornament from the Metropolitan Art Museum in NYC. (I collect these in real life). Mum even sent her the web address of where Sally could buy them online.

When I opened my gift I did not find the shoe ornament I was hoping for. Instead I found a baby croc shoe, which, I assumed, Sally thought I should hang on the tree. It was blue and I was disappointed.

I wanted this:

But I got this:

Sail Away!

I woke up yesterday singing the song "What do you do with a drunken sailor?!" and I have no idea why. We used to sing it in chorus in elementary school and honestly, I haven't sung it since. But it was stuck in my head all day and I think contributed to the dream I had last night...

I was in Boston Harbor and it was filled will all different sorts of boats and ships. It was extremely busy.
I was tooling around in my little motor powered floating lounge chair and spied these four guys who were floating on a huge craft made from gigantic logs. Think Huckleberry Finn times 50. Each guy was manning a corner of the raft with long paddle poles. The entire surface was covered in waterproof sacks filled with who knows what....food and clothing I surmised. They were going to float around the world on their handmade boat. Exciting! I decided to join them.

The float was much deeper than I had imagined. I actually wasn't sure how it really floated with the heavy logs piled on top of each other. We got out to the middle of the Atlantic when we realized something strange and wrong was happening to the floor of our craft. We looked down at the floor and there was a hole with a gigantic eye looking up at us. We were being infested with hundreds of extra large swimming rats!

They had come aboard in Boston and were eating away at the bottom of our boat and we were in big trouble. One of the guys and I grabbed a couple of blow torches and prepared for the onslaught of the rats as they chewed their way through our logs. There seemed to be thousands of them!

We eventually won our battle against the rats but our raft was compromised and we had to go ashore to assess the damage.

High Tide

I was attending a basketball camp in New Orleans. Which surprised me because I'm really terrible at basketball. We had some down time so me and these two other campers were hanging out on a swing set overlooking the Gulf Coast.

One of them asked me if I thought New Orleans was pretty. She was from Louisiana. I told her about how it could be prettier if there weren't so many down-and-out poor people trying to fix their homes after Hurricane Katrina and that the government is too caught up in paperwork to help these people.

As we were talking and watching the tide come in I saw what I thought was a baby being drowned by the water as it was playing in the sand. I ran over to it and into the water and found out that it was really a baby doll sitting in a tupperware container that was being taken over by the tide. I was a little embarrassed as families were looking at me like I was a crazy Yankee.

Image Note: I realize that this is a poor depiction of my dream -- that the tupperware is sub-par and the Gulf of Mexico near Louisiana is more brown than blue. Forgive me.

I do?

My friend Kevin asked me to marry him and I felt that I could not say no. He took a job in Newport to be close to me and we were going to get a house in between his job and mine.

My whole family was heading to the coast to have dinner with his family but no one knew it was really going to be a wedding. I was very sad about it. Marrying Kevin meant that I could no longer be with my boyfriend who I had been dating for a while. But I just couldn't bring myself to call the wedding off. Three of Kevin's friends, who were the groomsmen, gave me the engagement ring Kevin had picked out. It was gold. It had a purple, green and pink stone (which looked like jagged pieces of crystal) on it. It was hideous.

Throughout the day Kevin has us do little games and my family realized that we were there for a wedding. I was hiding my ugly ring, not wearing it around my parents and grandparents. No one could believe it. The only one who was happy about it was my sister. Luckily I woke up before the nuptials.

Wedding Warts

My lovely friend Caroline had just gotten married. I went to visit her a few weeks after the wedding only to find her in a severely depressed state. She had Post-Nuptial Disorder -- with nothing more to plan or get ready for, she had lost her zest for life.

She had also developed these long, stalactite warts on her hands that she was trying to cover over and wrap up in band-aids. Another side effect of the Post-Nuptial depression. They were blue. They were gross. She was sad. I was disgusted.

Note: I did not include a photo on this post because all the warty ones I found online were disturbing.

Missed the Boat

Two people from high school that would never hang out in real life (Kendra Sewall and Heather Dekanich) and I went to Acadia National Park for a vacation. We took Kendra's car and decided to stop in for a bite at the Jordan Pond House. It was packed! So packed in fact that I decided to serve ourselves our drinks -- which were half hot chocolate and half hot tea and called a Tea Milky. I decided that I was going to try to get a waitressing job there next summer since I was so good at it!

After our trip we decided to take the ferry off of the island and back to Ellsworth. We were walking towards the water taxi to take us to the other side of the island where the ferry was when it started to pull away from the dock. We tried to jump on but we all landed in the ocean. Not happy.

As we crawled out I saw the bus that takes you to the other side of the island and started running after it, desperate to get on lest I miss the ferry. By this time I wasn't worried that my friends were keeping up. My parents saw me chasing the bus and decided to give me a lift. There were about 100 docks and finding the right one where my ferry was at was hard. I had my parents running after me, up and down the street trying to find #51.

Success! Once I got there I gave them my ticket only to find out that I really needed #91, which was on the other side of the island where I started from. I started rocking back and forth, obviously having an "episode."

I woke up in the fetal position.