Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Swiss Princess

I was chosen to marry the prince of Switzerland without having ever met him. Dressed in white I was escorted to the castle by different family members of the prince who were all getting to know me by asking me questions and checking me out. It was a long walk from where ever I was starting from.

I was brought into a building and stepped into a closet type thing with one of the prince's scraggly looking uncles. All of a sudden the closet turned into a secret elevator and we went down down down and I was crying because it frightened me.

At the bottom I got out and was led to a table of men, all related to the prince and all different ages, for a game of poker. I had an excellent hand and put them all to shame. It felt really good. After my victory in walks the prince's brother to meet me. He was dashing and I fell in love with him at first sight. He felt the same way about me.

We ended up having a passionate love affair behind the prince's back -- strictly not allowed but we couldn't help ourselves. I was betrothed to the prince but I was madly in love with his brother, who was wild with jealousy.

After one particularly steamy tryst the brother took out a knife and attacked my eyes. In Switzerland, bloody eyeballs mean you are cheating on your husband with another man. I screamed and cried for my love to not gouge my eyeballs as he cut me. He then left in a hurry and I bandaged my eyes with gauze. In the morning my chambermaid came in and I didn't want her to see that my eyeballs were bloody. I hid and ran to the bathroom and undid the gauze to find out that my love hadn't attacked my eyeballs but had left little slits in the corner of my eyes. Was this a warning? In any case I was happy our love affair hadn't been uncovered by his jealous rage.

Monday, December 1, 2008

Ornament Fiasco

It was Christmas morning and my entire family was gathered around the tree opening presents. My Aunt Sally, who had no idea on what to buy anyone this year, asked my mom what to get me, which was a shoe ornament from the Metropolitan Art Museum in NYC. (I collect these in real life). Mum even sent her the web address of where Sally could buy them online.

When I opened my gift I did not find the shoe ornament I was hoping for. Instead I found a baby croc shoe, which, I assumed, Sally thought I should hang on the tree. It was blue and I was disappointed.

I wanted this:

But I got this: